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I feel like a housewife.
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I'm finding that during my days of unemployment and limited school, that I make a horrible housewife. 

I found myself watching Jerry Springer.  I can't believe that it has gotten sleazier than I remember.  The people on stage are exactly the same.  Some clearly are there to be on TV and making up a story and some appear to be legit.  There are still fights and the shouting of "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" reminiscent of old Roman Colosseum entertainment.  The audience is what has changed.  During the "question and answer" period, the audience only made poorly thought-out insults to the people on stage usually referring to the cheating women that they are fat and ugly.  One female audience member shouted into the microphone, "Look at these jugs!"  She then presented her bare breasts to the hoots and hollers of the testosterone-heavy youths around her.  This presentation of her mammary glands had nothing to do with the topic du jour, which was "I cheated on you with a threesome".  I found the whole show to be a sober form of Mardi Gras.

In addition to my trash TV, I went to the dollar store to look for bon bons(oh my god, what has become of my life?!!?).  At the dollar store, I purchased a nail buffer, because hey, it was there and it was only a dollar.  Now, I spend my time, in front of Jerry Springer, buffing my nails and eating bon bons.  In related news, my nails are extremely shiny.  I didn't really think it would make a difference, but it does.

I find myself not doing housework or anything around the house.  Oh sure, I have plans, but I get sidetracked by Jerry or Internet or junk.  I manage to do the dishes daily and drag the vacuum across the floor occasionally.  I don't even cook.  I can't cook.  Greg and I have determined that I can't cook.  He was amazed that I was able to burn some eggs for him and still mange to have the yolks runny.  It takes talent, I say.  Seriously, I can't cook.  Greg, on the other hand, is able to improvise impressive meals.  He rarely uses recipes.  He just cooks perfectly.  Not easy stuff either...well, not easy to me.  He basically improvised carnitas without ever seeing a recipe and I question whether or not he has ever eaten carnitas either.  Get this, it was the best carnitas I've ever had.  What the?!?

Greg has been uber supportive though in stating that I'm almost a typical housewife.  He adds that to be a typical housewife that in addition to doing nothing, I need to act frazzled.  I need to act like I'm just so put out that he should be grateful for what I do.  It is a full time job you know...especially with taking care of the dogs.  Thanks for the tip Greg.  I'll get on that. 

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I cant cook either. OMG that's another post I forgot to make! Coming soon. Meanwhile...

Perfect Housewife Tip #2: Hide the bon bons and the nail file. People seeing them lying there by the tv might jump to the wrong conclusions about you.

There is no wrong conclusion about it. They're right.

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